“What do you think? Should I tell them?”                

I glanced at Lia who’s been debating with herself for the past hour kung sasabihin ba niya sa iba ang tungkol kay Yeji, her ongoing fling.

I asked her before kung seryoso sila. She’s not sure. They hang out pero hindi naman daw sila nag-uusap about the kind of relationship they have. Yeji seemed cool tuwing nakikita ko siya with Lia sa campus. She’s applying sa dance company ng university and I heard she’s one of the best applicants. Lia kept talking about her – that she’s like Karina. Maybe that’s the reason she’s interested kay Yeji, I thought at the time. The two of them looked good together and Lia’s happy nowadays. Who knows what could happen… I smiled, imagining the reactions ng iba. Especially Giselle’s.                

“Did she introduce you to her friends?” I asked.                

“No. Why would she?” Lia gave me a quizzical look. I rolled my eyes.

“Well, you’re gonna tell our friends about her, right?”                

“Not really. I’m just…” she paused and sighed, “I’ll probably just say I swing both ways now. You think it’ll be weird?”                

“Nothing’s wrong with that, Lia,” sabi ko for the umpteenth time. “They won’t have issues with it. They’ll be surprised pero I doubt they’ll make a fuss. It’s about time we have someone gay in our group, yay.” 

Tumawa siya. “Bisexual,” she corrected. She turned back to the road. “Rina told me na they’ll have friends with them ngayon. Who else kaya aside kina Jeno and the rest ang kasama natin?”                

I was actually curious about this one. When Gigi confirmed na there would be ‘others’ sa meet-up, I didn’t know what to think of it. It’s very rare for any of us na magdala ng ibang tao sa mga lakad namin. Not that we didn’t want people to join but we kinda stick together on our own kapag magkakasama kami. Jeno never invited any of his flings in the parties we went to. Yuqi tried to get her exes close sa amin but they all turned out to be cheaters or douchebags or both so we were more than happy to get them away from our group.                

I also had friends from outside our circle ngayong sa ibang unviersity kami ni Lia pumapasok. I would have stayed sa La Salle to pursue Biochem as I originally planned but our business took precedence. Anyway, it wasn’t a problem for me to mingle with new faces and form casual friendships again. But our group’s special. At least it was sa ‘kin.                 

It’s been more than a year that we’re in college at hindi naman nagdala ng iba sila Gigi. Granted, last year was really quiet among us when Rina suddenly left for their place sa province. I wasn’t used to not seeing any updates or messages sa group chat. We’re not clingy to each other but I’d worry if things felt off. I couldn’t say I’m worried right now but it made me wonder – what’s up with them bringing people? Sa birthday pa ni Rina.                

“Did the birthday girl say anything about them?” tanong ko kay Lia, looking ahead sa traffic na nabubuo papasok ng Tagaytay. I just visited the place with my dad two weeks ago.                

“I didn’t ask. Why?”               

 I shrugged. “How about sila Jeno?”                

Lia stared outside, her tone laced with boredom nang sumagot. “You know how dead the gc is lately. Everyone’s busy.”                

I smirked. “You’ve been busy too. Honestly, kami na lang ata ni Gigi ang nag-uusap sa chat.”                

“I’m not going to start talking to her if that’s what you’re saying,” Lia scoffed. Her eyes widened when she continued, “What about those pictures they had last break? Di ba may iba silang kasama there?”                

Oh yeah, the trip to Negros.

I was out of the country and spent my Christmas break in Canada with my dad’s family. I always loved spending the holidays with granny but she had this strict rule about mobile phones in her house. I was only able to check my social accounts when my vacation was over. I immediately noticed the people they’re with. Then I saw how all of them looked really chill and… happy.                

“Di ba schoolmates sila ni Rina?” I asked. I clearly remembered Giselle telling us na classmates ni Rina yung mga kasama nila sa trip.                

“And what about the hot guy with them?”                

“Hot?” I repeated, raising my eyebrow at her.                

“I told you, I’m bisexual,” laughed Lia. She continued with our topic “It could be them.”                

“I miss everyone,” I blurted out.                

“I cancelled on Yeji to get here,” dagdag ni Lia, smiling. “I miss them too.”                

“Then join us sa chat,” I said.                

“I’m in the group chat,” she pointed out.                

“I know,” I glanced at the rearview and put the signal lights on. Ang bagal ng nasa unahan namin. “What I mean to say is, ‘wag kang mang-seen. Talk to us.” 

  Lia scoffed. “I talk to you a lot. Hello, housemate?”               

I stepped on the gas and quickly overtook the jeepney in front. “I want more gala with us. I miss that.”               

“Somi, you know how busy we all are.”               

“That’s a load of BS, Lia. You know that if we all want, we can make time.”

She stayed quiet and drew a deep breath.

“Even Rina showed up early this year. Yuqi’s active again after her break-up. So what’s your excuse?”                

“What?” Lia looked at me as if she’s trying to figure kung seryoso ako. “Somi, we’re both busy sa acads, you know that. And I’m always available and ready to go naman whenever you invite me out.”                

“No. You just know na gusto kong lumabas pero you don’t go. You always say na ang layo nila.” Lia gave me a knowing look. “We’re in Ateneo, Somi.”                

“We have cars.”

She looked at me exasperatedly. “And? Are we just going to turn up sa school nila?”                

“Why not?” I asked back. “They’re our bestfriends. They won’t care if we drop by.”                

“Ano ba talagang sinasabi mo?” Lia snapped. “What are you trying to say? Just say it.”                

I’m threatened… maybe. It started when I saw them hanging out with people we didn’t know. It made sense that they’d have other friends especially now that Rina’s in another school. But to go on a trip with them without us?  It kind of hurt. I felt like we’re being replaced. I didn’t want that and Lia’s not taking this seriously.                

“What is it, Somi?” Lia pressed on.                

“… I’m jealous.”                

“What?”                

Ugh. I was sure she heard me the first time.

“Okay fine nagseselos ako,” I said this very fast.

Lia merely smiled. “So dinadamay mo ko sa selos mo? Anong selos ba ‘yan?”                

“I hate you.”                

“Girl, think of it this way,” Lia started to explain. “Rina wouldn’t go out of her way to invite me if they didn’t want us there. She knows her bestfriend. And I’m sure they’re looking forward na magkita-kita tayong lahat. It’s been a while.”                

I groaned. “I knowww… And that’s why I want you to help me invite them to do stuff but you don’t.”                

“But you don’t,” she parroted in her annoying small voice. I glared at her. “Somi, we’re never gonna be replaced.” I could hear the seriousness in Lia’s tone. I wanted to have this conversation with her full-on but I was driving. Lia continued. “I know it. They know it. Like you said, we’re all bestfriends.” Then in a much lighter tone, she added “Sige na, ako na ang magsasabi sa kanila, that you’re dying to see them. You’re so lonely and you miss them terribly.”                 

“Shut up,” I smiled nonetheless.                

We were silent for a while. Maybe Lia understood I just needed to vent out my frustrations. I’ve been telling her all year about how much we’re missing out being away from the rest.                 

“Honestly, being away from Giselle worked wonders sa skin ko.”               

I laughed. “I always see you checking your phone whenever she messages sa gc,” I teased her.                

“Iniisip ko kasi if I should ignore or annoy her for old times’ sake.”                

“Just admit it. You miss Gigi too.”                

“Over my dead body.”                

The address Giselle sent was easy to find. I wasn’t surprised na nauna na ang iba sa ‘min when I saw their cars parked at the spacious lot katabi ng two-storey white villa. When we stepped out the car, Yuqi was first to welcome us. I caught a glimpse of the girl na katabi ni Rina at Gigi. Another girl’s with Chanchan and that struck me as odd since hindi naman siya malapit sa mga babae. They went ahead of us papasok ng villa nang magpaalam na sila Jeno na bibili daw ng pagkain.                

I grabbed my bag first before Yuqi pulled me with her, leaving Lia and Gigi sa driveway. I was keen to get away from them too dahil mapapagod lang ako sa away ng dalawa. The other girls looked worriedly sa mga kaibigan namin while Rina led them pataas ng second floor.                

“We’re rooming with Lia and Gigi,” bulong ni Yuqi. “Makakatulog kaya tayo?”                

I looked up the stairs, following Rina. “Really? Gigi’s with us?”                

Yuqi shrugged. “Kasi Rina’s with her classmates. Wait, I’ll introduce you guys sa kanila.”              

I was quick to dump my bag inside our room. We got the largest one with two queen-sized beds while the two rooms only had single beds. Kaya siguro we’re four dito. I could hear the noise sa kabilang kuwarto but it wasn’t clear enough for me to listen in sa usapan nila. It’s not like I planned to eavesdrop. Niyaya ko na si Yuqi sa sala and she happily obliged. It sounded like she had lots to tell but she didn’t mind continuing her story sa baba.                

I was surprised to find one of the two girls already downstairs kasama yung isa pang lalaki na hindi namin kilala. They were talking animatedly to each other and Yuqi quickly introduced me sa kanila. It was amazing how Yuqi readily befriended the two and acted as if she’d known them way back.             

I found Ningning and Lucas very engaging. Sobrang funny nila and for a minute, I didn’t think of them as people I barely knew. Giselle and Lia finally got in sa loob not without us dealing with their tantrums of rooming together nang bumaba na sila Rina. I looked away from Ningning’s funny reaction kina Lia and instead turned at the girl na kasama ni Rina. She noticed me staring and looked elsewhere awkwardly.                

“Baby Winter?” I repeated nang ipakilala na siya ni Yuqi sa ‘min. I didn’t know if I should take it seriously.

I’ve been meaning to get a closer look sa kanya and I could see why she’s likened to a baby. She’s very shy though unlike ng dalawang kasama niya who both jumped to teasing her as well. I wanted to keep the conversation going among our group. But I’m especially interested kay Winter na laging kasama ni Rina. I asked her a lot of questions and kept on badgering her. I couldn’t help myself – Winter’s reserved showing her obvious shyness, nakikipag-usap pa rin naman siya. It put me at ease that she’s at least trying.                

We’re all seated sa long sofa with Lucas making drinks for everyone. I noticed how attentive he was kay Winter when he offered his seat sa kanya. But I was more curious sa reaction ni Rina. She’s her usual self naman, quiet and passive sa usapan, rarely offering her opinions. But there’s something different. She glanced like a LOT kay Baby Winter.                

“Wait, gusto ko katabi si Baby Winter!” I said, already standing up from my spot. “Lia, swap with me.”

The look she gave me nang tumayo na din siya, I ignored it. She smiled and joked about wanting to sit with Winter too. She knew I was onto something but she wouldn’t mind moving. Soon, our side of the sofa chatted tungkol kay Rina. We had Winter and Ningning with us and they looked so adorable getting caught offguard with our questions about our friend. Baby Winter kept glancing at Rina habang tingin naman ng tingin sina Lucas sa kanya especially when we brushed on Rina’s dating life. Giselle pulled Winter with her papuntang kusina and that’s when Yuqi dropped the bomb.                

“Oh right! Guys, Chanchan and Ning are dating!”                

That was BIG.

It was the most important information for me buong gabi, so far.                

Don’t get me wrong – I like Winter and Ning, but I couldn’t see how they were befriended by Rina and Gigi. There wasn’t really anything significant sa mga kwento nila. I was trying to find a reason. At least a better one compared sa iniisip ko na they were… they were pulled in because we’re not there with them. I was ecstatic and super excited to hear about Chanchan having a girlfriend. It made sense to me. Now I could see why they’re in our group. 

Of course! One of them had to be involved with one of us. I wasn’t too worried about Lucas. He seemed to be just a random guy. He‘s Ningning’s cousin. Maybe he liked hanging around. Mukha naman siyang harmless.                

During dinner, I couldn’t help but gush towards Ning and Chan. They looked good together. It’s obvious that Chan, our resident we-all-thought-asexual-slash-possibly-gay friend, was really taken by his girlfriend. It’s funny how they started – love at first sight. Really?                 

Ning’s very intuitive kay Chanchan but I also noticed how she’s like that kay Winter. She had these expressions tuwing napag-uusapan sila Jeno and Rina. It’s also weird that Jeno’s too quiet. Normally, he’d encourage yung panunukso namin. Ever since Renjun left, he made his intentions clear – he’d pursue Rina again. I looked over the kitchen and saw Gigi and Winter na seryosong nag-uusap. Again, there’s a lot that struck me as odd ngayong araw. Kailan pa naging soft si Gigi towards anyone other than her bestfriend? She definitely seemed comfortable around Baby Winter. She looked concerned… even caring kay –                   

“What are you thinking?” pansin ni Lia, following my gaze at the kitchen counter. She immediately frowned nang makita si Giselle. “Look at her getting chummy with the new girls. If only Winter knows.”                 

“They look close, no?”                

Lia considered the question first before shrugging, “I’m not interested in whoever Giselle gets close to nowadays. Bahala siya as long as she stays away from me.”                

“Magkaaway ba kayo?”                

Napatingin kami kay Lucas who was standing behind us. He grinned and said, “Sorry, ang lakas ninyo kasi magchismisan.”                

We turned to him. “What about you? What’s your connection with our group aside sa pinsan ka ni Ning?” I asked directly.

A smiled formed on his lips, “Bubuo pa lang ako ng connection. Interested kayo?”                 

Tumawa si Lia, impressed at his boldness. “Nope. I’m into girls right now. I’ll let you know if I become available.”                

I could only laugh at Lia. Talagang kay Lucas pa siya una nagsabi, of all people. I guess it’s easier for her since he’s new. He looked like a guy who’d never understand any of it anyway.

Lucas continued to smile. “Uso na talaga ‘yan,” he replied, his eyes darted kay Rina.                

“So you’re eyeing Rina too?” I said as a-matter-of-factly. “You’d have to go through Jeno first but goodluck.”                

Tumingin lang siya sa ‘min as if thinking of what to say next. Then he smiled and offered us drinks. He changed our topic altogether which I didn’t mind. During dinner, tinuloy lang naman namin ang panunukso with Lucas. He was game at first but eventually backed down nang mapansin niyang iba na ang tingin sa kanya ni Jeno. Maybe it’s about Rina again. I didn’t want another fullblown away between the guys. I had to mediate a lot nung naging si Renjun at Rina. Nakakapagod ha.                

I glanced at Rina. She looked mildly interested sa usapan. She didn’t even spare a glance kay Lucas. She was busy putting food sa plate ng katabi niya, si Winter. Gigi would surely throw a fit – 

Huh…

Rina’s bestfriend was also fussing over Baby Winter. What’s happening?                

I could feel the alcohol taking effect. Lucas kept on topping my glass ng kung anu-anong mix niya. We’re seated around sa sofa, Yuqi trying to get more info kina Jeno about the stuff we missed the past months. It was surprising nga naman na may girlfriend na si Chan nung November pa. What else is there to know?                

“I heard some rumors. A girl tried to court Karina. Is that true?”               

 Napatingin ako kay Lia. Seriously, she was onto it ever since we heard this from one of our classmates dati sa La Salle. They couldn’t believe na hindi namin alam yung kumakalat na rumors. Lia was so determined to know more that she even asked Yeji to talk sa friend niya from Rina’s school. Nagtalo sila ni Giselle who quickly jumped in front of Lia’s query when Rina came back from upstairs. She had a jacket in her arm when she sat beside Winter. She then wrapped the jacket around the other girl.                

That shut us up. I mean, it wasn’t out of character for Rina to do these things but it’s so – so sweet, and it even felt intimate.                

“Winter is such a baby talaga,” nasabi ko na lang, warmly smiling at our new friend. “Like, I get that. You’re one year younger sa ‘min, right?”                

The alternative was unthinkable.

Winter blushed a lot tuwing inaasikaso siya ng kaibigan namin. She preferred to listen sa usapan and only offered her answers kapag tinatanong siya. She didn’t start any conversation and frankly, I was looking forward for her to approach us. But she merely stayed sa tabi ni Rina. As for Rina… she was extra attentive sa supposedly classmate lang niya. She had this look whenever we teased Winter. I’d be jealous if I were Jeno.                

“A girl making a move sa akin?” Rina repeated, an amused look sa mukha niya. I nodded along kasama nina Lia at Yuqi. Let’s just get this over with para naman matahimik na si Lia sa mga fantasies niya.                 

“I think mali yung rumors,” Rina answered, eyes on Winter. “It’s the other way around.”                

I stared.

I heard Lia swearing when she spilled her drinks while Yuqi literally covered her mouth to stop herself from screaming, eyes alternating between Rina and Winter. No shit. I could only laugh.

“I should have known,” I said, still laughing. Giselle looked guarded so I explained some more. “No, seriously. It made sense!”                

It honestly didn’t.                

“I mean, Karina has a certain preference. And Baby Winter – she fits.”               

Like a square to a circle.

It was ridiculous to think that the only reason Karina liked Winter was because she’s remotely similar kay Ren.

Yuqi turned to me. “Huh? Really?” she asked, unsure about what I said.

Unsure din ako, don’t look at me.

I let the alcohol do the talking. Nag-excuse muna sila Rina at Winter, exiting to the garden. They probably got overwhelmed sa mga tanong namin. When they came back, everyone’s already settled for Rina’s birthday cake. Gigi presented the cake sa bestfriend niya as she always did. After we finished the song, I noticed Winter standing sa tabi ni Ning.                

“Hey, stand beside Rina,” I told her.                

Hiyang-hiya si Winter na tumabi sa girlfriend who quickly put her arms around the smaller girl. I smiled at them. “Baby Winter,” I grumbled, drinks in one hand while I stared sa magjowa, “you remind me of Ren. He’s Rina’s ex and he’s in the – ”                

I swayed and spilled my drinks on the floor. Mabilis akong inalalayan ni Lucas. Gigi quickly took my glass, staring at me unbelievably.                

“You’re drunk,” she said.                

“I’m not.”                

“Ako na bahala dito G,” I heard Lucas when he handed me another drink.                 

“Are you getting us all drunk?” Giselle hissed at him. “And don’t call me G!”                

“I’m fine, Gigi,” singit ko, smiling at her. “I told Lucas to just keep it coming since we never had this much fun in a while.”                

Lumambot ang expression ni Giselle. “Stop with your Renjun agenda.”                

Tumawa ako. Napatingin sa ‘min ang iba. Yuqi was recounting the details of her breakup with her most recent ex-boyfriend na gusto kong sungalngalin.                

“How about you?” Rina nudged Lia, her face flushed.                

I studied Lia sa tabi ni Rina, smiling widely. “Same as you,” she said a little prouder than normal, “I’m also seeing a girl.”                

Gulat ulit si Yuqi. Winter and Rina turned to Lia, interested. Sa tabi ko naman, Giselle nearly choked on her beer, quickly wiping her mouth. I already knew Lia’s interest sa mga babae so I left for the toilet malapit sa kitchen. I took my time sa loob and was surprised when Gigi spoke behind the door kasabay ng pagkatok niya.                

“Hey Somi,” she said, “are you okay?”                

“Yeah,” I called out. “Gagamit ka ba?”               

“I can wait kung hindi ka pa tapos.”                

“I’m done,” I said. Nang lumabas ako, she’s standing by the fridge, arms folded while staring at the kitchen door.               

 “All yours,” I smiled at her, sidestepping at the narrow passage.                 

Nang pumasok na siya sa loob, I opted to stand idly instead of returning sa sala. It looked like nagpapaalam na rin naman sina Rina at Winter. They’re a lot closer to each other now that we knew about them.               

 Jeno knew. From the start, he knew. I heard the flush inside the toilet.                

Giselle knew too. And Chan… Ning surely knew it too. Probably pati si Lucas. Kaya siguro kanina, hindi niya tinuloy ang sasabihin. He probably contemplated against telling us. And I understood – it’s not his to tell. But still, it would have been nice if we knew as well. Suddenly, I felt like a stranger. 

“Hey… Somi.”                

I nearly jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Gigi looked at me with concern. “Kanina pa kita tinatawag.”                

I shrugged and held myself together. “Oh, I probably –” I let out a laugh and rolled my eyes. “Maybe I’m a little drunk.”                

She smiled. “Told yah.”                

Tulad ko, she didn’t join them sa sala just yet. “The lovebirds left na, huh…”                

“Who?” I raised an eyebrow. “You have to be specific. Just moments ago, I thought we’re all single here.” I wasn’t sure how I sounded so I added jokingly, “Baka naman meron din something sa inyo ni Lucas. Confess now while we’re still here.”                

Giselle made a disgusted look. “Please. He’s not my type.”                

“Why not? He looks fine,” I watched Lucas laughing at Yuqi. “He also called you G,” I gave her a knowing look. “What’s the story there?”                

“Kasi makapal mukha niya,” Gigi answered easily. “Promise, there’s nothing going on. Makulit lang talaga siya. You guys flirted with him more than I’ve talked to the guy.”                

“Nag-iingat na ako,” I said. “I’ve been stepping on people’s toes all night. I asked Lucas if he’s interested kay Rina… and then I kept teasing Winter –”                

“You didn’t know so that’s understandable.”                

“Yeah,” I agreed quickly. “It turns out, marami kaming hindi alam.”                

Giselle fell silent. “If –”                

“Did you know na Rina’s into girls?” I asked.                 

“No. But I saw how it developed sa kanya, I guess.”                

“So she didn’t tell you?”                

Umiling siya. “I had to figure it out for her,” Giselle smiled. “It was painful to see her pining for Winter nang hindi niya alam that she’s already… you know.”                

I chuckled softly. I could imagine it. I remembered how we were when we learned about Rina and Ren. Giselle was frantic while I tried to pacify her. Since we’re the bestfriends, kami lang ang nakakaalam sa group until the two highkey announced their relationship sa prom.

I missed it somehow… All of us in one classroom, us spending our lunchbreaks sa Agnos or even sa canteen, us hanging out sa bahay nila Rina…                

“… like who would have thought na Lia’s gay too?” said Giselle lightly. She straightened her face nang lumingon ako sa kanya. “I don’t care if she’s gay it’s just – with Rina having a girlfriend, it’s like they’re all happening at the same time.”                

“We’ll get used to this,” I said, trying not think of how it would be for us moving forward… just a catch-up.                

“Or we can always talk, use the groupchat, drop by kayo sa Taft…”               

I knew it.                

“… or better yet, puntahan namin kayo sa Katipunan,” Giselle finished. She linked her arm in mine. “Hindi ninyo naman siguro kami pahihirapan kapag makikipagkita kami sa inyo, di ba?” she pulled me to go with her papuntang sala. “We’ll make time, Somi. I want us to do this more.”                

There’s a lump forming in my throat, and I didn’t trust myself to speak another word so I just nodded. Lia followed us with her gaze nang makabalik na kami. Binigyan naman agad ako ng drinks ni Lucas.                

“Kaya pa?” he winked at me.                

“Stop flirting with my friend!” pagbabawal ni Gigi, hitting him hard on his arm.                

“Selos ka naman!” 

“Bukas na lang Somi,” Ren stared at the black Audi parked malapit sa gate.

It’s my ride pauwi. Daddy refused to allow me public transportation kasi delikado daw. I’ve done it before when we went kina Yuqi. I could take a cab on my own. Or pwede naman akong sumabay in one of those school service vans na dumadaan sa village. I felt jealous sa mga sabay-sabay umuuwi.                

“What?” I whirled to him. “Di ba sabi mo importante?”                

He stared at his shoes. “Hindi na pala. Bukas na lang.”                

“Ren kasi,” I gave him a warning look. Binuksan ko na ang pinto ng kotse. “Isusumbong kita kay Rina.”                

He looked at me and smiled. “She doesn’t know na sasabay ako sa’yo ngayon,” he said. “Ano naman magagawa ng pagsusumbong mo?”                

“Gusto mong si Rina ang kausapin ko?” I asked.

His smile disappeared. He looked at the car again. “Ang weird na pupunta pa tayo sa inyo for this.”                

“Si Daddy kasi,” dahilan ko. “He asked me to join him sa dinner tonight so I can’t go anywhere after school.”                

“Kaya nga bukas na.”                

“Are you going or what?” may halong inis kong tanong. “We can drive around the village if you really hate going sa bahay.”                

He looked at me guiltily. “Hindi naman ganun yun, Somi.”                

“Just get in, please.”                

Magkatabi kami sa backseat when the car moved. Tahimik lang naman si Manong Edgar every time he drove me to and from school. He’s madaldal kapag kinakausap ko siya but most of the time, he kept quiet especially pag wala ako sa mood makipag-usap.                

“Seatbelt,” I said, pointing at the strap sa tabi ni Ren.                

He merely stared. “Ha?”                

“Why can’t everyone just automatically put their seatbelt on?” I ranted habang sinusuot niya yung sa kanya. When I heard the clasp clicked, I faced him again and started. “What did you talk about?”                

Renjun straightened sa pagkakaupo niya. He looked warily kay Manong Edgar.                

“Are you seriously worried about Manong Edgar?” I asked him, laughing a little. “I swear, walang sasabihin si manong sa mga classmates natin.” Tumingin ako sa driver namin, “Di ba po manong?”                

“Oo naman,” he answered promptly, glancing at us from the rearview mirror.                

Renjun scoffed and slumped back to the seat. “Somi, seryoso…”                

“I’m being serious,” I told him. “Why don’t you just tell me so we can finally talk –”                

“Nakipagbreak si Rina.”                

Natigilan ako. Ren looked uncomfortable before turning away, busying himself sa pagsilip sa labas ng car window.                

“H-How?” I was at loss. Renjun probably misheard his girlfriend. They’re okay. Kahit kanina, they’re still seated together sa canteen when we had lunch.                 

“She just – did. Sabi ko sa’yo dati, we’ve talked about it before nung malaman kong aalis kami pa-US.”                

“Didn’t you say na she’s okay with it?”                

Umiling siya. “Hindi ganun…Somi, okay lang naman,” he smiled at me. “Gusto ko lang malaman mo.”                

“That’s a load of BS,” I exclaimed. Hinarap ko ang katabi. “Ren, what the hell? Then why are you not… did you just agree?”                

“We’re not for LDR,” he answered. Hanggang ngayon, he’s still lying.                

“Can you be serious for once?” I hit him in the arm.                

“AH! Seryoso ako!” he grunted. He immediately lowered his voice nang maubo si manong sa harapan. “Somi, nag-usap na kami. Hindi namin kaya ang long distance.”                

“You told me na you’re willing to try,” I insisted. “Or is that a lie?” He didn’t answer. “Ren, are you really going to let her go just like that?”                

Hindi vocal si Renjun when it came to his relationship with Rina. I guess he was still being careful around our friends. Matagal na naman yung issue and things were going smoothly sa kanila. I was really happy for them. Renjun liked Rina. And Rina liked Renjun. Two people can never fit as much as they fit each other. They were even determined to continue studying in the same university. They’re chill most of the time and I knew na seryoso sila sa isa’t isa. Then Ren learned that they’re moving to the US.                

“Bata pa naman tayo,” he answered dismissively. I hit him again. “SOMI!” he yelled. “Kanina ka pa nakakasakit.”                

“Stop saying nonsense then,” I said, glaring at him intently. “How about you tell me what really happened?”                

Huminga siya ng malalim. “Somi…” his voice softened, “wala na kami. That’s what happened.”                

“And?”                

“Ano?”                

“And then what?”                

“Then aalis na ko…”                

I bit my lip and looked away frustratingly. We’ve talked about it bago sila mag-usap ni Rina. All of us were saddened na aalis si Renjun. He tried to break it off easily sa ‘min. He’s used to it, sabi niya. His family moved a lot and it would be no different this time.                 

“You told me you’ll try with her.”              

I was hoping that if they continue their relationship, there’d be a reason for Ren to always come back in the Philippines… He wanted to stay…                

“That’s not up to me,” he answered silently.                

“Ayaw na ni Rina…?”                

We entered through the village security. The uniformed guards let us in recognizing the car. Manong Edgar waved at them.                

“Manong,” I called, “ikot po muna tayo…”                

“Okay, sige.”                

We sat in silence. I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand. How could Ren give up? How could Rina break up with him? Were they just being stupid?! I sighed and resigned myself from thinking about the two. They’re both childish, I concluded. Mahirap mag-isip para sa iba.                

“Bahala kayo,” I said. Hindi ko talaga gets. Okay naman sila kanina. Was that all for show? Or maybe I was the only one thinking about it like this? That it would be bad if they break up…                

“Hindi kasalanan ni Rina,” Renjun said after our long silence.               

“Don’t worry,” I told him. “I’m never going to think badly of her. Hindi naman siya yung kausap ko eh.”

He looked at me, a pained expression on his face. “Anong gusto mong gawin ko?” he asked helplessly.                 

“How about you try harder?”                

“Sinabi ko na pagbalik ko,” he finally said. “I want us to try again.”                

We finally stopped sa tapat ng gate namin. I gathered my bag and took a deep breath. “I’ll talk to Gigi.”                

“Wag na,” pigil niya. “Nag-usap na rin kami.” Napatingin siya sa driveway when the gate opened, looking around the vast expanse of the garden in front of us.

“Ihahatid ka na lang ni Manong…”                

Hindi siya sumagot. When we stopped by sa tapat ng bahay, I opened the car door. “Do you… love her?”                

Ren was never vocal about his feelings kay Rina. He’d avoid all those cheesy questions and loudly complained kung bakit namin siya kinukulit. Rina would only smile kapag binibiro namin ang boyfriend niya.

“Bakit mo tinatanong?”                

“Coz that should have made you try harder.”                

He paused and held my gaze. “Agreeing to what she wants doesn’t mean I love her any less.”                

I had to stop first to repeat his words sa utak ko. I still didn’t get it. Shouldn’t that matter sa kanila?

“Does she love you?”                

I waited for his answer but he remained quiet. Maybe he didn’t know. I turned kay Manong Edgar. “Manong, pahatid na lang po siya sa kanila.”                

“Ako nang bahala.”                

I closed the door and turned on my heels nang makaalis na ulit ang sasakyan. I followed them until they disappeared from my view. I wished I could tell him that too. Na ako nang bahala.

Hindi ako makatulog that night. It felt heavy, yung huling sinabi ni Ren when we parted. So ganun lang ba yun? Was it really okay to let go kapag hiningi sa’yo?                

I was tossing and turning sa bed, unable to shake the feeling of discontentment sa naging conversation namin ni Ren. It’s gonna take time for Ren to open up tungkol sa kanila ni Rina and I didn’t have that time. At kapag kinausap ko naman si Rina –                 

I quickly got up, looking for my phone under the heaps of pillows and blanket sa kama. I dialled Gigi’s number. No. I hang up bago pa niya masagot. What would I tell her then?

‘Hey, bakit naman nakipabreak ang bestfriend mo sa best bud ko?’               

But wait. Sabi ni Ren, nag-usap na sila ni Giselle. She knew.                

I called her again. It’s ringing.                

I looked up the ceiling, thinking about how I’m going to start this conversation. Giselle’s normally tolerant sa mga hanash ko. But when it involved Rina, she’s more careful. We’ve never really caught up tungkol sa dalawa ever since maayos na ang lahat. Surely, them breaking up was a good enough reason for us to talk, right?  I needed to talk to someone for my sanity.          

I ended the call again. She’d just get annoyed, I thought. We could talk about it tomorrow. My phone suddenly rang.                

Si Giselle.                

“Hello?” I cautiously answered. 

“What the hell, Somi?!” malakas ang boses ni Gigi from the other end. “Did you just call me twice? It’s almost midnight. Where are you? Are you out? Do you need me to pick you up?” sunod-sunod ang tanong niya. 

I winced and bit my nail. “No, I’m home,” sagot ko. “And it’s Tuesday. Why would I be out?”                

“I don’t know,” she answered briskly. “Why would you call me late then?”                

“It’s about Ren,” sagot ko, “and Rina.”                

She didn’t say anything pero I heard noises from the background sa end niya. There’s a lot of rustling and creaking I was starting to think she suddenly decided to jump on her bed.                

“Renjun talked to you?” maya-maya tanong niya.                

“What did you do?” I asked.                

“Huh?”                

“Just now, anong ginawa mo? It was nosiy.”                

“I got up from my bed since nanggising ka,” she said flatly.                

“You need to get a new bed.”                

“I like my bed, Somi. Now tell me, what is it a –”                

“Can you really sleep on it nang ganun kaingay?” I asked.

No response. Right… I was getting off-topic. “Gigi,” I started, “kinausap ako ni Ren kanina. He told me na break na sila ni Rina.” Hindi agad siya nagsalita. I turned and pulled a pillow, pressing myself close to it. “I can’t sleep because… because it doesn’t make sense na magbreak sila,” I admitted.

I was ready to argue if she’d said otherwise. Gigi’s always been supportive of Rina’s decision, kahit siguro yung sa pakikipagbreak niya kay Ren.                

“Yeah, it doesn’t make sense,” she simply answered, voice low.                

“So you agree?” I asked, heart beating fast. This was good news for Ren. If Gigi agreed with us, Rina would surely –                 

“Kinausap ko na si Ren,” Gigi said, she sounded tired. “Nasabi niya bang nag-usap na sila ni Rina?”                

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “Yeah. You see, Ren’s willing to try it with her. He loves Rina, Gigi…” I spilled. “If hindi alam ni Rina, then maybe we could set them up to talk again or… or something. Basta makapag-usap sila.”                

“She knows,” sagot ni Giselle. “And that’s why she’s ending it as early as now… There’s a lot we don’t know about LDR.”                

“B-But,” I held on to the pillow tightly, “But how could she tell there’s a lot if they haven’t tried it yet?”                

Giselle sighed from the other end. “That’s exactly what I told her… She didn’t want to risk it, Somi. She’s not willing to do long distance.”               

 I groaned. “Ganun na lang yun?” I bitterly asked.                

“It’s not our call,” Giselle spoke the words helpelessly.               

 “Doesn’t she love Ren?” I spat.                

Don’t tell me she’s doing this because she loves our friend too. I was already having a hard time understanding what Ren meant sa sinabi niya. It felt like they’re complicating things between them.                

“Rina knows what she wants,” Giselle answered. “And Renjun knows it too. If he can’t stay, then they’re over. She’s not going to make him stay, not going to make him promise. It’s just how it is for her. Honestly, I don’t understand but she’s doing what she thinks is best para sa kanila. If she says that she can’t do LDR, who are we to oppose that?”               

“Did she even at least consider?”               

“I’ve talked to her countless of times,” I could hear soft sound of footsteps from Giselle’s end. “Like a lot of times. How should I…” I heard her pull out a chair. “… Okay, so Rina told me na she doesn’t know how an LDR works. But she knows that it will be really different sa current set-up nila ni Renjun. And the thing is – she doesn’t want to feel scared sa mga possible na mangyayari.”                

“But if they’re willing to try –“ I cut in.                

“Right? Sinabi ko rin yan sa kanya. If they try, then it won’t be that bad,” Giselle said exasperatedly. “Then she asked me – how can I tell na magiging okay sila…”                

Hindi ako sumagot. What did that mean?                

“She asked me if I’ve already tried LDR,” Giselle continued. “Ano namang isasagot ko dun, gurl?” I could almost picture her, eyes big and nostrils flared. “I told her I have no experience. Then she simply said that I wouldn’t know how it’s going to be then.”                

Giselle probably disliked the fact that she couldn’t answer a question as simple as that.  Ang hirap din minsang kausap ni Rina. She’s a bit hard-headed sometimes.                

“That’s her though,” I silently muttered. “What about Renjun? Sinabi naman niya na he wants it to be Rina again pagbalik niya.”                

“You think she didn’t consider Renjun in all this?” tanong ni Gigi. “She’s – she’s considered him a lot Somi… He’ll be in a different place, he’ll meet new set of people, become friends with them and probably more… She doesn’t want to get in his way without sacrificing what she wants from him. She knows na mahihirapan din si Ren. There’s a lot of compromise, a lot of adjustments na hindi pa natin alam. So I guess… I guess Rina has a point. We can’t just tell them what to do.”                

I was digesting yung litanya ni Gigi. We’re talking about serious stuff past midnight. My brain’s a little bit fried to understand everything.                

“Ikaw ba? What would you do?”                

“Wala naman sigurong may gusto nang nahihirapan. I don’t even want to think of being in her situation.”                

Right… it’s hard. Sa sinabi pa lang ni Gigi, wala na akong masabi.                 

“Somi… SOMI.”                

“What?”                

“I just asked you,” she said, “How about you? What would you have done?”                

I thought long and hard. “Showbiz answer,” I was being honest, “I’d probably say I’m willing to try. Pero deep down, I don’t know… it’s a lot. Like, ayokong magsalita ng tapos.”                

“There you go,” she said with resignation. “There’s our answer.”              

I buried my head sa unan. It’s so frustrating. “We’re just senior high. We shouldn’t even be thinking too much of this stuff.”                 

“Right?” Gigi agreed. “But let’s just stretch our patience for them,” she added. She yawned, probably exhausted sa pag-uusap namin.                

“Suddenly, ayoko nang magkajowa,” I laughed.                

“It’s not like nagkaroon ka,” she mumbled sleepily.                

“You’re so mean!”                

“Can we sleep now? You owe me coffee for this.”                

“I’ll get you lots,” I smiled, finally settling sa pwesto ko sa kama. “Night Gigi…”                

“Goodnight. See you later.”                

“Bye.” 

The sun’s setting.                 

Everyone’s doing their own thing while we waited for the yacht trip to end. I looked over Rina with Lia and Ryujin sa sun lounge. Ren came up from the main cabin and he quickly joined Yuqi and Miyeon as they all watched Jeno try his luck in fishing.  Si Ning at Haechan naman na magkayakap sa tabi ko were enjoying the breeze habang nag-uusap ng trip nila dati sa Subic.                      

One of the crew approached me. I asked them earlier to help us take pictures during sunset.              

“Ma’am ready na po kayo?”                

I looked around. Most of us were still in our swimwear. I didn’t think they’d want to change clothes.                

“I’ll call them lang kuya,” I smiled. A few minutes later, we’re all huddled sa top deck. “Guys, c’mon,” I said loudly, “let’s line up dito sa rails. Let’s take a picture na. Ang ganda ng sunset oh!”                

It wasn’t hard to get everyone lined up. It helped na most of us came in pairs. Jeno automatically took his spot beside Miyeon. Chanchan followed Ningning. Then Ryujin held Lia. Sumunod na rin si Ren. Yuqi took her place sa tabi ni Miyeon. I watched Rina na sumilip sa unahan. Where’s Gigi and Winter?                

The two came out the front deck. I thought I saw them kanina na magkasama. I didn’t pay mind to it. Although it was rare to see na hindi nila kasama si Rina who’s enjoying her time with Lia and Ryujin. From time to time, nakikita kong lumilingon siya. Maybe she’s trying to look for the two. Alam niya bang nasa harapan sila?                

“Tatayo lang ba tayo dito?” Ning asked me.                

I nodded. “We can do different poses mamaya.”                

Haechan whispered something to her. Nanlaki ang mata niya, giggling. “Baliw,” she snickered, hitting him lightly on his arm.

They looked really cute together. Parang dati lang, I wasn’t sure how Ning would fit in sa group namin. Now I couldn’t imagine us without Ning in it. Chanchan’s never been this… this playful, this active sa mga lakad namin before. His what if question kanina got me thinking how we were as a group.                

I’d never consider the possibility of not meeting them even nung high school, of not spending time with them kahit na magkakalayo na kami ngayong college, and lastly, of not finding the people who completed our group even more – the people who made my friends want to be better.                

I glanced at Lia. She looked happy with Ryujin. She saw me looking and mouthed ‘Bitch’. I rolled my eyes at her. Did I really just feel sappy kanina towards her having a girlfriend?                

“Hooooy!!!”                

I turned sa direction where Ning pointed frantically. There’s Winter and Rina, putting a show for everyone to see. I felt my heart swell. I was happy for them. I wondered when’s my turn…                

“Wooaaah!” Yuqi squealed. “What’s going on?!”                

Giselle walked forward, partially blocking them from my view. She averted everyone’s eyes off the two. Nagtawanan pa kami, teasing Winter who’s full on kamatis mode. Rina’s not any better but she looked pleased anyway. Tumalikod na ako, facing the setting sun, the view complimenting the calmness ng dagat.                

I wanted my friends to stay happy. They needed to be happy so I wouldn’t worry. Napangiti ako sa thought.                

“What are you thinking?” whispered Giselle, yumakap siya sa ‘kin. 

“Do you plan to stay like this? Nakaharap na kami lahat.”               

“Oh.”                

I turned. Gigi took her place sa tabi ko with Karina and Winter sa dulo. Lia slung her arm around me.                

“Were you just thinking of your future boyfriend?” she teased. “Rina’s bad. Iniinggit niya talaga kayo.”                

“I’m not… jealous,” I told her.                

“Okay lang ‘yan Somi babes,” Yuqi loudly said sa kabilang end. “You’re not alone.”                

“Ready na po…” singit ni kuya. “… In 3, 2, 1. Smile!”                

I smiled widely.

I love them.